Ego, where everything unfolds!

A relationship is a living organism!
It is born, it grows and it transforms!
Born from us to us!
Grows for us!
It transforms within us!
The romantic relationship flourishes to satisfy our pleasure needs; to respond to our needs for attention, affection, admiration and recognition; and to inspire genuine connection!
Therefore, sexual pleasure satisfies; passion awakens; love elevates!
And if we look at how each can evolve into the next, we discover seven phases of evolution in a romantic relationship.
I want to make it clear that this evolution implies that all of them are born in the first phase, even though I’m associating a type with a certain phase of romantic relationship.

I believe that Ego is where everything unfolds, for the Self is the common element in the development of a relationship.
The second phase is that of Destiny, where the events of life push us towards a certain person.
In other words:
When we meet someone and feel a very strong attraction to that person, we are in the Ego phase – we feel an unconscious desire to be with that person.
When life pushes us towards it, almost justifying that attraction, we enter the phase of Destiny, that is, we are in transition from sexual pleasure to passion.
This thrust of life leads us to create a distorted image of that person. Thus, we enter the phase of Illusion. We create an illusion upon the image we are able to perceive of someone.
We idealize Others.
We do it so intensely, so ravishly, at a certain point, so obsessivly, that we can’t see ourselves with anyone else.
The romantic relationship grows wrapped in veils that mask us and hide who we are and what we want.
This is passion!
Passion prevents us from considering the possibility of being with someone other than the one we’re in love with. I mean, we’re with that person because we need to have that person.
Interestingly, passion prevents us from betraying – at least at these early stages. And all because the need to have the person you’re in love with is greater than the need to satisfy a sexual appetite.
The truth is that when the passion fades, or falls asleep, or the fire goes out, the impact of each need undergoes a transformation, which makes us feel more likely to betray, almost like trying to force the end of that passion, which no longer burns.

This transformation corresponds to the phase of Consciousness.
Consciousness is the phase in which the relationship begins its maturation process through the knowledge of itself and Others. We begin to deconstruct that idealized image and become aware of what is real and what makes sense to us.
As a consequence, the phase of Disillusion happens. Here the illusory veils fall one by one, revealing the true essence. We’re starting to see each other for real!
Usually, the fourth and fifth phases are of transition between passion and love.
When we jump from passion to love, when we get to know each other better, we begin to deconstruct the illusion we create upon that perception.
This process of Disillusion can lead to (1) the end of a relationship; (2) to the continuation of a worry impregnated by frustration (usually situations of those who are afraid of change); (3) to a relationship of unconditional love and acceptance of someone else.
And this acceptance transmutes the romantic relationship to the point where we love that new being that blooms before us, because we are no longer absorbed by our ego and begin to vibrate at the level of the heart.
This is love!

When we vibrate at the level of the heart, we evolve into the phase of Commitment, where we connect authentically with someone else and live a meaningful life and a deep connection!
This is the big difference between passion and love.
When we connect in an authentic way with someone else and live a profound connection, we detach ourselves from needs!
Free of needs, any experience that seeks to respond to a need will not have the same flavor, will not have the same impact on us.
For example, when you love someone, you can imagine yourself in someone else’s arms, even have other sexual experiences. However, the fullness that we feel when we love the one we love is stronger than any physical attraction we may have for someone else. Sexual intercourse with someone you don’t love gives you a physical satisfaction; it gives you a physical decompression. Physically loving the one we love from the heart gives us a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual fullness.
The sexual relationship with the one you love is more subtle, deeper, more impactful – it doesn’t have the same intensity of passion because it has a different impact on you.
Maybe that’s why couples that truly love usually talk to each other about people they find attractive and are attracted to. After all, those who love appreciate other men or other women, even desire them (physical attraction is something natural), but do not carry that hidden desire as a burden.
There is no control of oneself and one’s feelings so that one does not hide one’s interest, desire, attraction – there is a respect for one’s body, for one’s sensations, for one’s nature and an appreciation of human beauty in its fullness, without judgment. After all, there’s no point in consummating that attraction.
They speak openly, because they are aware that whatever comes from the outside does not bring the fullness that the love they have gives them.

Upon reaching this commitment, the path to the seventh phase is illuminated. In the phase of Detachment we love without needing to have someone, without the need to live intensely, that is, we share love.
At this stage we live a more mature love, a freer love, a love that gives space, that gives time, that strengthens the other.
We unite with one person in order to co-create a life together, instead of imposing our life on someone else, instead of forcing us to be, instead of blaming us for not being who we want to be.
We share a selfless and unconditional love.